Moody Talk

The weekdays are finally over and tomorrow is weekend again. Times flies and today is my two months anniversary in Copenhagen.

For some reasons, I feel extremely moody and restless today. I even took out my old "The Da Vinci Code" to read. The thing is, I never like to watch any movie or read any storybook a second time. I find that there is no more excitement because I already know the plots. So you can imagine I was really goddamn bored.

I thought summer was coming but it suddenly became very chilly in the past few days. The view from my window shows the outside is sunny but what I actually feel in the house is a completely different story. The coldness must have somehow frozen part of my brain for I no longer can think of what can entertain me. However, I am not moody just because I can't think of anything to do.

Everytime I call the old folks back home, they always tell me the same old stuff:
"Better find a job, it's good to earn some pocket money",
"Don't be too dependent on your husband, you should earn your own pocket money",
"Don't waste your time, do something!",
"If you don't want to work, then you better have a baby",
"What do you do everyday, aren't you bored?" etc etc.
Honestly speaking, I am very tired of listening to those craps and everytime the topic starts, they make me cringe. Anything motivation words? Nothing, ZERO.

I mean, have they ever considered my feelings?
Do they know what I actually do at home everyday?
Do they think I have become a burden to my husband because we have only one income now?
Do they think I feel good that I may have probably lost my competitive mind because I no longer have deadlines to meet and clients to please?
Do they think making baby is as easy as making a cup of tea?

Anyway just to prove that I am not a freeloader, I had a meeting with someone yesterday, who might possibly help me get a job. However after the meeting, I felt more confused than before. When I think about it now, that meeting must have had an influence on how I felt today, moody and restless.

Actually, as much as I yearn for the financial independence that a job brings me, I also enjoy the space and freedom I am having now. For 5 years, I did not touch the electric mixer that my mum saved to buy for me because I loved to bake back then. But now, the electric mixer is able to see daylight again because I bake cakes, cookies or muffins every week. And to my mahjong kakis, I will take you on anytime when I go back because my skills have improved (I think).

(sigh) Why am I always standing at a crossroads? (sigh, again) I need some encouragement, even if it is just a bit........